The media has done all that it can to bombard us with unrealistic body images, yet we find ourselves in the midst of an obesity epidemic. Everywhere you look, there are girls waddling down the street with muffin tops spilling out of their jeans. You can't travel on a plane or train without having to rub thighs with a hideous hulk of sweat and blubber. Even homeless people are fat nowadays. It's disgusting. It's wrong. Look to your role models on television and in fashion magazines for thinspiration. There's a reason they're famous. There's a reason they're photographed. There's a reason they date hunky heart-throbs. It's called starving yourself. Why do you think that the red carpet isn't full of wheezing obeasts? Why don't you see 300lb supermodels stomping down the runway? Fatties don't become celebrities (well, apart from the funny ones, but nobody really finds them attractive). Do you want to be accepted, travel in limos and go to all the best parties, or be one of those whales who lifts up a stomach roll to find a whole ecosystem living under there? Do you want to be attractive to the opposite sex or limit yourself to being a last resort for ugly drunks at two in the morning? Do you want to be a hardass or a lardass? Time to get motivated. Join the fight. Perfection starts at 100lbs and under.

What is more beautiful than seeing a skeleton and skin? Or hip bones popping out? Lots of guys love to rub your back and feel every vertebra. And you won't need to wear bras anymore - all your body fat will disappear! You won't need to waste money on tampons - you can kiss your period goodbye!

We're not saying that you need to starve yourself like those pro-ana freaks who look like they were in prisoner of war camps. We're not telling you to cover yourself in plastic wrap and pound the treadmill for nine hours. We're not asking you to live on baby carrots, celery and gin. We love food; so much, in fact, we believe in tasting it twice! If you feel like locking yourself in your bedroom and wolfing down a bucket of fried chicken, a bowl of cookie batter and five tubs of ice cream, that's awesome.

You should be able to eat as much as you want whenever you want and then do the ol' one-finger-purgeroo. Don't feel guilty about it. Animals in nature regurgitate their food all the time, and people don't persecute them. Not into the finger down the throat? There are other ways to stay thin. Drink some olive oil. Or pop a laxative and flush that cheesecake down the drain. There's always a way to keep the weight down, or bring it up. Nobody said that being emaciated was easy. You have to dedicate time, effort and a lot of visits to the restroom. Your hair will fall out, your esophagus will tear and the acid will rot your teeth but it will all be worth it when you fit into those size zero jeans. And just think, no more periods! Anybody who tells you that you're too skinny is just jealous. If you really want to put on weight, get a boob job! Come on - let's see those hips. Show off that rib cage. Love yourself to the bones. Hanging out with Ana is no fun. Remember, Mia is your friend. Have some dignity, girls! Hide your regurgitated food in a plastic bag under the bed.